WHY CANT I

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 , 6:17 PM

okay.. i had ask the rest about the bbq thing.. since most of them dont mind having so few ppl.. then the bbq is still going on.. yeah.. plus today is my lunar birthday.. so.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF! haha

i m also damn worried now.. i m scared that i wouldnt be able to get into the school i want..i can break down any time already.. then some my classmates are waiting to "see good show"(direct translate from chinese haha.. ) so bad.. plus i just got back my english compre marks.. I FAILED LA!! 17/50.. i knew it already lor .. gp is so tough.. die liao le la..

LIFE FOR ME

life is so tough

happy or sad

life still goes on

is your emotional so easy to control

i dont think so

facing reality is hard

things dont always goes your way

one of the solution is to run away from it

but would you improve

i dont think so

why is all these things happening to me

i m so sad

i want to die

i wan to sleep forever and never wake up
but

i dun wan to my parents to be sad

how..

i can onli hope tat things could get better

, 5:01 PM

i booked the bbq pit alr.. but now fish carmen and hashira i think cannot go already.. they got something on.. then for now.. there is only 6 ppl including myself going for the bbq.. ai ya.. why like that one.. i htink i might have to call off the bbq thing already.. if the majority mind having so little ppl.. then i think we will just go cycling then see what happen next lor.. now i might have to call my cousin again to ask him to cancel the booking in case someone also wants to use the bbq pit.. but then i got a very funny feeling.. cos.. the person actually ask me alot of time whether is it confirm a not.. then i tell him yes.. now.. i might have to call it off.. so.. ya la..

just now i went to my mother's shop.. then my mother called my cousin. my cousin had been ask from my mother to help me ask the school about the procedures of apply to poly.. and i just found out that the procedures are very troublesome.. then for the course i want.. only the top 5% can make it to uni.. this will mean that.. there is actually quite a high chance of me not getting into the local uni.. then i might have to go for overseas uni.. but i dont want it.. then if i get into jj.. i dont think i will be happy.. cos i really dont want to get into that school.. i hope i can get into the schools i want.. then my parents also dont need to settle so much things and go through all the trouble for me..

yesterday.. my parents also asked me whether i want to go to aust to study a not.. but i dont want to be alone there.. and it is not for 1 week.. it is 4 years.. lets not talk abt years la.. i think i would not even be able to survive through 1 week.. ai.. plus the fees there a very ex.. erm..

, 4:44 PM

yeah there is NO school tmr.. so happy.. afterall the pe today is so tiring.. we ran 2.4 km.. but my speed is very slow.. i am the second last to come back... and the timing is 17:15.. it's a boardline pass.. but then.. for all these years.. my timing had also been like this.. hai...what to do.. but i am too tired to train.. running is just not for me... so.. tonight.. i must rest properly.. have to recharge my energy..plus.. i m going out with nw tmr.. hehehe.. most likely we will be watching final destination 3.. but i heard from my friend that it is actually very digusting.. so i think i might be closing my eyes most of the time.. rather than watching the movie.. just in case i might get nightmares.. i remember once when i got a nightmare.. i couldnt get to sleep at night for 2 days.. the feeling is terrible...

Sunday, February 26, 2006 , 5:35 PM

so frustrated.. headache.. headache.. so many things to do.. so little time.. i havent even learn my physics test yet... so dead.. the previous test.. i failed very badly lor.. i dont know what i will get this time round.. hopefully i can pass the test.. anyway.. i went to suntec then bugis with fish.. we took a neoprint there too.. the machine not very good lor. actually the machine is good.. the when the photo is develop out... the effect is not really excellent.. if the printing effect is also good.. wow.. the machine would be quite perfect... anyway..later i went to orchard for my class gathering.. it is actually meant to give one of our classmate a birthday surprise.. so sweet.. and oh ya.. the bbq is more or less set already.. tonight i will call my cousin and ask him to book the bbq pit for me.. then if it rain.. i think i will buy the disposable one.. and then bbq in a area where there is shelter.. k.. gtg..

Friday, February 24, 2006 , 11:00 PM

i recieved a not so good news today.. my maths teacher wants to make us stay back on next monday to have extra maths lesson.. what the hell lor.. this will make our dismissmal time at 3 p.m.. err.. watever la... anyway.. today after school.. i went to bugis with cheryl..she has a $100 voucher.. won in a lucky draw.. how lucky can she gets.. but in the end we went to popular.. n she bought alot of coloured pens..n all together.. she spent $20 ... later.. we went to jack's place to eat.. student meal.. costing $6.50.. then cheryl made use of her voucher again.. so in the end.. i m the onli one payin for the meal.. hai.. waste too much money again.. have to start saving up again.. den later we went shopping.. window shopping actaully.. but i bought a "earring" and 3 dogs postcards.. they are so cute la.. actaully i wanted to buy the cup.. but i didnt have enough cash with me.. morever the stall also doesnt accept nets.. so in the end.. i didnt manage to buy it.. den i saw a chinese chess set.. quite like it.. but it cost too much.. i cant believe teh price la.. it cost $108.. so EX!!! so in the end i onli got home at 8+.. at 10+.. i went online to settle the bbq thing.. it is a big headache.. so many things to solve.. no fridge.. not enough defrosting time etc...hai ya.. so ma fan.. i will pray to the god.. hope i can get a school i want.. have to rest early tmr.. got class outing too.. now i m thinking whether to wear long pants or skirt.. i look better if i wear skirt.. but the problem is.. no other girls are wearing skirt.. then i will look very awkard one.. so fan.. i think my hair might drop down one day.. hahaha..

Sunday, February 19, 2006 , 6:31 PM

why is everyone withdrawing from their present school.. why???? i want to withdraw also!! but lessons are still going on.. if i skip school.. i will miss out on a lot of things.. i am not struggling with my subjects already.. but anyway i would want to thank my friends from encouraging me.. but things isnt as easy as what you all are thinking.. in fact it is quite complicated.. i know i have to relax.. but is it so easy? i really dont know.. i really rather go to poly than to any other jc other than my 1st 2 choices..( i know i am being very nagging here.. haha..) ai.. lets not talk abt all these things.. i am intending to celebrate my birthday.. and i am thinking of holding it earlier.. like on the 4 march.. but i am worry i wouldnt have the mood to do so if i am posted to schools that i dont want to be in.. i wish things will go my way now........

lets talk about the plan.. i am intending of going to east coast park to cycle.. then later we will have a bbq.. then since east coast park is quite near to my new house.. i was thinking of holding the bbq there.. but still i will ask opinions from my friends.. see whether they want to go east coast park in the 1st place a not.. then i will see where would they want to hold the bbq.. either in east coast park or somewhere else.. erm...

Saturday, February 18, 2006 , 5:55 PM

i broke my sleeping record today.. i cant believe i slept till 1 plus today.. i guess it is because i wanted to run away from the reality.. once i sleep.. i wont feel so irriatin.. i wont feel so frustrated.. i wont feel so helpless.. i wont feel so sad.. how.. i dont know what to do now.. i dont feel like waking up already.. i just wish i can continue sleeping on.. and never wake up.. den i wont feel so terrible.. i really hope i wont get into that school.. i think i would rather go to poly than go that school...it is also very far from my present home and if i am to move my house.. it is really a terrible thing... i really wish upon the stars that i could get into either sa or nanyang.. i dont know why i dont feel happy now.. i cant really feel happy from inside my heart.. not truly happy i think.. if i were to know that jj is going to have a camp.. i wont even put it in one of my few choices.... why are all these things happening to me.. wo quai chuan bu guo qi le.. :(

Friday, February 17, 2006 , 11:47 PM

i jus recieve a bad news.. jj got camp..so irriating.. i HATE CAMPS..now i cannot get into tt skool.. spoil my mood.. i m in a damn bad mood now.. i CANNOT get into tt skool.. i m in a dangerous position.. jj is in the 3rd choice.. die die.. so stupid..

, 11:26 PM

went to town straight after skool today.. the reason why i went there is actually us to buy a cd.. but in the end i stayed until 8 plus den i went home.. sue maine and her friend went to meet mi n cheryl after 3... cos cheryl ends at 1 i ends at 2 and she ends at 3.. n we had great fun.. plus we stayed in a cafe for more than 2 hours.. den since they got provide games so we played games too.. so funny.. sue maine's friend always got sabo by us.. haha.. fun outing.. his lame jokes are also very funny lor.. most of the time we are laughin.. non-stop laughin.. the onli bad thing tt happen to mi was tt i was cheated.. supposely all sembawang cd shops are suppose to sell all the cd at the same price wat. but NO.. i bought a cd at a more expensive price lor.. where got such a thing.. so pissed off.. dunn why too.. ask the person.. the person said it was becos of the destination.. but both the shops are at orchard.. so there should not be any difference in the price wat.. so unfair.. aniwae... i m plannin to have a outing on the 4 march to celebrate my birthday in advance.. so friends beware.. haha.. i actually plannin to have a bbq.. but dunno whether it wil be successful.. see 1st ba..

Wednesday, February 15, 2006 , 4:15 PM

jus finish completin my jae thing.. i hope i can get into either my 1st or 2bd choice.. i am really beggin.. n plus the subject combination i wan too.. pls.. so sleepy today... almost slept in the lecture.. now my load not really off yet.. i think my burden will onli be free after the postin result is out n i m able to get into the skool i wan.. but tat is onli half of my load off.. when i can also get the subject combination i wan too.. den i can relax alr.. so i really hope i can get into a skool i really wanted n wish for.. i dun wan to go thru the same agony i went thru in this 3 mths thing.. i really cannot take it liao.. like tis morning.. i actually went n count how many more days i need to go back to skool.. aniwae.. i went to eat wif fish n nw yesterday.. in the end i still paid $12 despite the fact that fish actually help mi to pay half of the cost.. wow.. i really spend alot..

Sunday, February 12, 2006 , 3:02 PM

BAD...BAD.. MY RESULTS ARE SO BAD!!! IT IS NOT WITHIN MY EXPECTATION!!SINCE I CANNOT BETTER A SINGLE DIGIT, GIVE ME AT LEAST MY PRELIM GRADES!!NOW I M SO FAN...DUN NOE WHERE TO GO LIAO!! HOW???aniwae yesterday.. went for bbq.. a farewell party actually.. for my friend cos he is leavin to aust to study..most of them got single digit lor.. so envious.. never am i always able to get the grades i desire.. i work so hard and my result is so bad..so sad now.. anyway.. we went to melissa house for the bbq.. i really cant believe tat the whole bulidin is hers.. i tot tis kind of things onli happen in movies and drama series.. wow!.. watever.. so sad now..stupid grade i cannot believe my chemistry got a b3.. i always get a A1 for my chemistry.. wat has happen.... i can still remember.. once i got my result i cried.. when i reached my mother shop.. i cried again.. den when i went home.. the other shop owner ppl.. ask my father wat happen.. den when i go home..i cried.. den when my aunties call n ask abt my grades.. i really dun feel like answerin them.. at night i cried again.. yesterday night i cried again.. i m not a crybaby but i really need to cry to get my feelings all out.. tonight.. we might be gg to the esplande there.. i think i should really go out n enjoy myself for a while.. n shouldnt stay at home the whole day..even my parents say that i dun have the "cheerful" face alr.. they say my face is like covered wif black clouds.. ai ya. dunno how to put it in english la.. i need some time to calm myself down.. i really dun feel like gg to skool tmr...........upset girl.. cryin...

Sunday, February 05, 2006 , 12:39 AM

kk.. very long neva blog alr.. nw.. ask mi to update.. so i update lor.. i will jus give a brief one.. cos i m damn tired.. want o sleep alr..so...today.. i went to sentosa with uma, nw, fish and reg.. so fun.. i didnt feel so happy for quite a long time alr.. maybe is because of the hatin the skool thing.. we play with water.. take lots of photo n have a gd time.. so fun.. my shorts got wet also lor.. i wan to spray water at fish.. den in the end.. when i run.. i splash the water onto myself.. so stupid of mi.. aniwae later we go n catch a movie.. i not stupid too.. nice one.. i feel tat parents should take some of their time off and go n watch the movie n understand wat some of us are thinkin and wat we actually wanted..ya...we also nearly couldnt make it in time to catch the movie.. i was afraid i have to miss the front part again.. i dun wan.. cos the other time.. i also neva catch it wif my cusin cos they missed the show for 10 min.. luckily.. by the time we went in.. the show jus started.. so heng.. n of course we took a cab there la.. nw.. dad treat us the popcorn n drinks... so bu hao yi shi.. aniwae thanks.. today i also recieve wen jin replied e mail.. my god she take such a long time to reply.. i think it was send 3 months ago lor.. she sure take a long time to do things.. except.. WATCHING TV!! tat's her talent.. haha.. of ya.. den later i went online to send the pictures.. so fa ma. i have to click on the same pic for 3 times.. cos i have to send to 3 different ppl.. until my had luan qu.. haha.. later when reg come online.. i have to do tat again.. haha.. laugh all u wan.. aniwae o level result comin out next week.. gd luck..cant remember wat i wan to say alr..too tired.. ai.. gd nite la..

JE SUIS

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